He hears a voice call out "Dinnae drink frae that, meester, it's a' fu' o' coo piss an' shite!".
Turning, the hiker sees a Scottish shepherd leaning on a stick, and he replies "I'm terribly sorry, but could you kindly repeat that in the King's English?"
And the shepherd says "Two hands sir - cup your two hands together or you'll spill it!".
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A Scottish man is visiting his Canadian friend for the first time. As they're driving down a rural road, the Scotsman spots large creature with huge antlers standing by the side of the highway.
"Och, what in the name of all that's holy is that?" he exclaims.
"That's a moose," the Canadian replies.
The Scotsman stares at the enormous animal in disbelief, his eyes wide. "A moose, ye say?" he cries. "Sweet heavens! If that's a moose, then just how bloody big are the cats around here?!".
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