My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman!
She screamed:
"You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We're getting a divorce!"
I said:
"Honey, please… just let me explain!"
She crossed her arms:
"Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words."
So I told her:
"Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her?
I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn't eat last night because it was 'too greasy.' She devoured it.
She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower.
While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn't even unpack because it was from a cheap store.
Honey… you should've seen how happy she was. She was glowing."
"I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use?"
"And as you can see… here we are. In bed."
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